“How old is 75?
So old that you're hardly alive
It's a number that's weighty
In five years, you'll be eighty
Poised way up there on the high diving board
Tell me, how old is 75?” - First verse of the song How Old is 75? by Louden Wainwright
This week, I started writing about old age and then thought about my road to my own old age and what it means. So, I am afraid, nothing topical, just the reflections of an old man, so you may want to stop reading now.
"I know I must be old now. When I was young, you were put in jail for theft and other crimes but were allowed to speak your mind without fear. Now, you cannot speak without fear, and there is a good chance if you commit a crime, it is unlikely you will be caught, let alone punished."- Peter McSporran
No matter what we want to think or even deny age and death are very much part of our lives from birth. Most of us try to ignore our mortality, especially when we are young. It is something for the elderly to worry about. As farmers, we were all well aware of death, especially having livestock where death by disease, accident, or by our hand was almost a daily occurrence. As for old age it was always something in the future until it suddenly arrived.
“The first clear sign that old age had caught up on me is when I jumped out the pickup and my knees felt like they had gone through my ankles. Getting on remained no problem, getting off was now and forever more going to be a challenge.” - Peter McSporran
I had witnessed death at an early age losing an infant sister and then my mother when I was eight. To be honest at that age I did not really grasp its significance, they were just no longer around. Despite this, I rarely considered my old age let alone my own mortality. When you are young it is definitely something that happens to others.
“For many in this world to witness death is a rare experience until later in life so mortality is more often than not viewed as an abstract event rather than a reality for most of our lives.” - Peter Mcsporran
Then for me, like all young white men in Rhodesia the army came along, and at first when we looked down on the lifeless bodies of our enemy or the villagers they had murdered, we tried to convince ourselves we would look different in death and it still was not for us. What a shock when it became one of our own lying there. All of a sudden you think but for the fickle hand of fate it could be me. Then I can remember, as the war wore on and things got tougher with friends dying there was greater recognition of your mortality. During each call-up we did not think about it or at least denied the thought until the last few weeks of a mobilisation when all of a sudden we would start praying to whatever was deemed as our god to at least spare you until you got home to see your loved ones again. Why did it become such an issue in the last few weeks, the danger was ever present? Many of my army friends confirmed they shared this same fear, so I was not unique.
Following Independence, when we found out we were both alive and also had the opportunity to remain in Zimbabwe, we decided to live life to the fullest. Zimbabwe became a place of opportunity, so we worked hard and played even harder. Not all, but the majority of us that is. It can be said in this period, we not only abused our bodies but snubbed our mortality. I, for one, doubted I would get to forty years old, a thought shared also by my friends. It was such a surprise when I reached fifty, unfortunately in doing so I had already seen many of my friends dying premature deaths, many unfortunately by car accident. The truth is even when sober, the Zimbabwean roads were deadly hazardous and, at night, even more so. By forty, let alone fifty, we were not only attending the funerals of our elderly neighbours but some of our less fortunate peers. Even then, it was something that happened to others. As for old age, we would be fine with both a pension and our farms to rely on for income; after all, if necessary, the farm could be sold as a last resort. Therefore, although I was getting closer to old age, why worry about it? In fact, slightly the opposite, I was thinking of leasing out the tobacco sections, tobacco while the biggest income earner also required the highest input costs, demanded a large workforce, always stressful to manage, and therefore reducing my risk while keeping the livestock and seed crops as my core business. Tobacco section rents allowed you to share crop profits without the risk. In my head it sounded good, enjoy life before old age, less work, more fishing, more travel. Alas it was never to be.
Why? In 2000, my fiftieth year, the farm invasions started in earnest. Later, I will revert to this subject, but I am writing about age this week, so I will remain with that. Here I was at fifty, having seen the value of my pension disappear due to currency devaluation, and now my farms were under threat, taking me into an unplanned situation. I went from complacency to concern for my old age. Up to then it seemed so far away. I suddenly had this vision of myself in UK council accommodation, living off charity in the country of my birthplace.
“With the farm invasions I belatedly realised that those who had moved money out of Zimbabwe were the wise ones despite the fact that it was mostly by illegal means. There should be no sense of guilt in your actions in securing your old age when the state takes hostile and illegal action against you and your family.” - Peter McSporran
In my reflections, although what happened to us Zimbabwean white farmers was horrific, this event led to a new lease of life for me, stirring enthusiastic action in endeavouring to start a new life following the shambolic events destroying the wonderful life we had known,
Luckily, I had done extensive research in other opportunities in Africa and as far afield as Australia and so in 2001 I started almost immediately my move to Zambia with the intention of securing by some means of a nest egg for my old age. There was one major hurdle, that was finding finance, although I had already started my search for this before the invasions. For some reason following the events in 1997 I had a very bad feeling about our future in Zimbabwe. The fear of becoming a burden to your children is a great driver. These events were life changing, so rather than owning and developing a farm looking at it as a home for my retirement, the focus was suddenly on making enough money to retire somewhere, anywhere, where there were laws to protect the individual and their assets. As a bachelor it was easier for me to be absent from home, no family to report back to. By this time my two girls, Storm and Janine, had finished school and were both in Capetown studying. Not so for the vast majority of farmers who had both family commitments at home and age against them.
“The Fast-Track Land Reform Program" (FTLRP) was devastating for me in my fifties. I cannot imagine how it felt for those farmers with young families or those beyond my age. Devastating for all but compounded for many by age and responsibilities.” - Peter McSporran
Then in 2002 Rozanne Cary asked me to marry her, and I accepted. She had a young son so in the midst of my endeavours in a foreign country I now had a wife and son to consider. Nothing like an old fool you say, but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I have made. Rozanne and I became a great team both in private life and in business. These new responsibilities also ensured increased diligence as now I had an adopted son to educate. Suddenly old age was not the focus, rather the here and now.
During this time we never harboured the thought we might get compensation for the farms from the Zimbabwean Government. It would have been a distraction and taken our focus away in trying to secure our future or in my case my old age, which by then in reality was now going to be the largest part of my future life.
In no time my sixtieth arrived and I was sort of shocked I was still around. I was certainly overweight and my partner in my consultancy at that time, Paul Cartwright, informed me his brother, a heart surgeon in London, told him I was a prime candidate for a heart attack. I was involved in a number of business ventures, some good, some bad, some downright awful but at last we were now saving a little money for our old age. The question then arose where should we put the money? Offshore of course. We purchased a property (flat) in Edinburgh at least ensuring even if we had no money at least we would have a roof over our heads. By now I had an excel spreadsheet cash flow based on my supposed working life income against Rozanne’s and my life expectancy expenses. You need this when you have no pension. As yet despite not feeling old a new concern arose. What happens if instead of dying I have a stroke or go gaga, now the fear of the unknown in old age is becoming more of a reality. This was a worthless fear as whatever will be will be, as the old song goes.
"As for what people in their old age think about the world I am in consensus with my elderly peers. It has gone mad."- PeterMcSporran
In 2015, with enough money for a second property, we decided we would rather avoid the Scottish weather for our old age, and despite Rozanne having a house in Harare, we thought it mad to return to Zimbabwe. We purchased our home for old age in Portugal. We did not leave Zambia then, only after my first diagnosis and treatment for prostate cancer in 2017 did we leave although I continued to work out of Portugal into Africa until 2020 when my stomach cancer’s treatment put an end to me traveling. Why Portugal you may ask? Because we like the Portuguese, we had a number of dear friends who had successfully moved here and could advise us, property at that time was cheap and importantly the cost of living in that country allowed my ‘old age’ cash flow to make sense if we were careful. Fortunately, by design, both of us were up to date on our UK social security payments and as it was pre-Brexit we would be covered medically. Time speeded up with age, especially when I reflected back to how slow it seemed to pass in my school days and even during National Service where time seemed to stand still. Perhaps in both cases it was because we would count the days down. I had just spent fifteen years trying to secure comfort for our old age, something which I never thought twice about one way or another before the land invasions.
“You only know how much you had when you lose it, no matter how small. Many ask me how did it feel to lose your farm, home and savings? An impossible question to answer. I simply say how does it feel when you have lost or had a purse or wallet stolen and multiply it many thousand times. Even then probably not close.”- Peter McSporran
I am now in my old age. I did Google it to ensure I was correct in this assumption, and I am enjoying it despite a very limited intake of whisky and the very rare cigar. I have to date survived serious illness and while I still have cancer I am lucky that my brain and limbs still function. I appreciate every day and rarely feel I have had a bad day. Each day has had its merits to date. My hearing and sight are not what they used to be but they are adequate to get by although Rozanne does say my hearing has become selective. My biggest fear is still in becoming a burden to my family due to incapacity. We have mitigated as much as we can against it and providing we do not live too long will have adequate funds for our old age.
“It came as a surprise for me to find time speeds up with old age rather than slows down.” - Peter McSporran
What I have learned about myself in reflecting on my life is the following. Perhaps I will put them in bullet points.
Family and friends will always be the most important and worthwhile possessions in your life. Look after them.
Be circumspect in your friendship, but treasure those who are your friends.
Ensure friends and business acquaintances can trust you. Trust cannot be bought, but when earned, it can provide many treasures.
Rather than making a quick retort to a loved one or friend, give it some thought first. A needless, spiteful word over a trivial issue can cause many lasting hurts.
Work hard and play hard.
Make use of every hour; life is not a dress rehearsal.
Always remember that you have to be in the game for opportunities to come your way; otherwise, you will go through life as a spectator.
Do not be too scared of risk; the biggest opportunities come with risk
Do not replace hard work and logic with hope. If there is a god, he or she has much more to think about than just you.
Never, never have all your eggs in one basket.
Finally, plan for your old age, it will come around much faster than you think.
"You know you have reached old age when you live for each day and reflect on the past rather than think of your own future."= Peter McSporran
Disclaimer: Copyright Peter McSporran. The content in this blog represents my personal views and does not reflect corporate entities.
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